Here's your goddamn Charlemange

Welcome (Back) To The Jungle

If this were 10,000 years ago, a predator would now be singling me out from my little ragtag group of primates. "There", it'd think, "that particular ape thing looks rather dazed. There's a stunned quality to him. He doesn't seem to be quite in control of his limbs yet." And then it'll pounce. Sure enough, as the rest of the pack scrambles away in a frenzy of hoots and hollers, I'd be wheeling about nauseauted and dehydrated, right out of the gene pool.

But no. This is the 21st century. Civilization and the development of society has ensured that I can blast my mind with psychoactives until it tries to flee my body and not have to worry about getting eaten by a smilodon while nursing my hangover the morning after.

No worries. I'm doing a pretty good job of taking myself out of the gene pool, thank you very much. It's just taking a bit longer than usual. Indeed, while life may not be nasty, brutish, and short, it's now tedious, annoying, and meandering.

I need a goddamn joint.

Population: One

Nothing isolates more acutely than a city packed and teeming with people. But that's okay. In lieu of friends and lovers (bastards, the lot of them), I'm spending the night with a bottle of Chilean Merlot, my horny cat, and this piddly storm.

Here's a toast to loneliness, then. I'll see you in hell tonight, Bacchus.

rain's a-coming

Sunsets, incipient storms, the tableaus
of melancholy -- maybe these are
the Saturday night-events
to take your best girl to. At least then
there might be moments of vanishing beauty
before the sky darkens,
and the expectation of happiness
would hardly exist
and therefore might be possible.

More and more you learn to live
with the unacceptable.
You sense the ever-hidden God
retreating even farther,
terrified or embarrassed.
You might as well be a clown,
big silly clothes, no evidence of desire.

That's how you feel, say, on a Tuesday.
Then out of the daily wreckage
comes an invitation
with your name on it. Or more likely,
that best girl of yours offers you,
once again, a small local kindness.

You open your windows to good air
blowing in from who knows where,
which you gulp and deeply inhale
as if you have a death sentence. You have.
All your life, it seems, you've been appealing it.
Night sweats and useless strategem. Reprieves.

~Stephen Dunn
Before the Sky Darkens

Stone Free

Yesterday was my first complete day without weed. I'd celebrate with a joint, but I guess that's like waging war for peace.

The world is starting to solidify, and boy, does it suck as ever before. Can I possibly survive this? Already I have felt the first wave of irritation yesterday. Threw a driving tantrum, I did. That hasn't happened for a long time.

I woke up around 6:30 am today. That hasn't happened for a long time either. Is it related to my going cold turkey?

I like fried chicken best of all.

Today

Today, I accomplished these tasks:

• Exchanged the defective USB 2.0 PCI card at PC Corner. They gave me a better model. I suspect they had known the card was defective to begin with, but still sold it to me, in the hopes that I wouldn't recognize it. The box it came in was worn. Maybe some other user had already returned it, and they thought they could palm it off to some other less technically inclined customer. See, the USB ports work. Unfortunately, not at USB 2.0 speeds, which is why I bought the device in the first place. Non-tech people might not have noticed the difference.
• Delivered my pants to the tailor. The zipper was broken. Zip it up, and the fly's still open. Leaps in quantum technology, and they still can't design a durable zipper.
• Started and finished the design to the peace conference registration page.
  

Today, I didn't accomplish these tasks:

• Finish coding the registration page. That was supposed to be a rush job! I excuse myself by thinking I'm doing it for free, butI feel some pang of guilt in not doing a good job.
• Get my radio repaired
  
• Quit smoking up
• Clean out my room and sell my stuff
• Left home and lived on my on.